Want to feel more connected? Make the first move.
As humans, one of our most important needs is for connection and belonging. And yet we know that today, despite our increased levels of online connectivity we are feeling more disconnected than ever. In fact, the World Health Organisation (WHO) has now made social isolation the next public health priority. On a more local level, the Australian Institute of Family Studies report in July 2023 revealed that more Australians live alone than ever before – more than one in four (25%) of households are occupied by one person – up from 24% in 2016 and 18% in 1981. But we know that whether you live alone, or in a share-house or family unit, we can all feel disconnected, or as if we don’t belong.
So how can we connect more with others? We could make big life changes, such as joining a group, volunteering for a cause, or making more of a concerted effort to organise catch-ups with people. Finding like-minded people, or simply picking up the phone to call a friend, can help a lot. But when life is busy, it can be very hard to do all this organising. There will be weeks where we don’t have the time or energy to make it all happen.
We can get down in the dumps and want others to fix it. But in my experience, the way to get out of the funk of disconnection is to shift my attention from my own needs and instead become more ‘other-focused’. This generally means I need to stop waiting for others to connect with me – I need to make the first move. The great thing is that we can do this in very small ways.
Here’s what that can look like – if you want to feel more connected, be the first one to stick out your hand to shake theirs when you meet them. Be the one to introduce yourself at a party and ask someone else’s name (and remember it). At the end of the class at the gym, be the first one to wave goodbye to another, and say, ‘See you next week.’ Chances are, that person will probably be the first to greet you in the following class.
This ‘other-focused’ attitude is the kind of thing Jesus taught in his Golden Rule, ‘Do to others, as you would have them do to you.’ (You can find this in the Bible, in the book of Luke chapter 6 verse 31). This simple yet profound saying truly has the potential to change the world, one interaction at a time. When we ‘make the first move’ so to speak, others follow. The more we demonstrate what it means to connect genuinely, the more others will do the same, and the more we will all feel an increased sense of connection and belonging in our community.
Photo by Alexandra Fuller on Unsplash
